There's a Child Out Here, People. That's the Reality.

Join me on my journey through parenthood. BYOHelmet.

Like a frog in a blender January 28, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — aggieonboard @ 8:30 am

Andrew has been really sick with bronchiolitis. Monday night was a 4.5 hour trip to the ER. Tuesday was a trip to the pedi, where we agreed he was on the mend. Wednesday was a barf-fest that culminated in a trip to the pediatric urgent  care and this:

Several nurses, including the apparent Vein Whisperer of the facility searched for a vein for about ten minutes before I suggested they just stab him in the head and get it over with. They said most parents are resistant and squeamish about it, which I don’t get. If it’s the best vein, it’s the best one.

After several drugs and an IV of fluids we were released. Mr. Aggie took the night wakings, which happened every two hours or so. Andrew had a lot of feedings to make up for, since he had only kept down 2 oz of water all day.

This morning I’m blogging live from school, waiting on an update about Stinks. I’d love to regale you with tales of the pedi urgent care ineptitude, such as the nurse who stuck a tylenol suppository up his bum because of his fever and then less than a minute later asked me, “Has he been feverish, mom?” Umm, I friggin hope so, otherwise you just sodomized my child for no good reason.

Alas, work beckons.


Life’s detritus January 24, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — aggieonboard @ 11:27 am

Things are moving along here in the Aggie household, as they are in all households across the globe and as they shall continue to be until the Earth ceases to rotate or el jefe destroys the planet (note to self: write future post on the fuzzy math of the End Times).

We’re existing in an awkward state of civil symbiosis. We’ve never been fighters and we’ve not started now. I’m proud of us for that. This morning, Mr. Aggie is heading off to church and I am going to curl up with The Portable Atheist. We’ve achieved the same balance here in the spiritual realm, I think, as we have in our home life.  There’s a mutual respect that is greater than our differences. I know we’re both committed to keeping it that way.

In happier news, Andrew is almost one year old. Holy cow! I can’t imagine being the mom of a toddler. I’m just getting used to the idea that I was the mom to a fetus.

Here is the almost-birthday boy, showing off his driving skills.

And here, he illustrates his “shhh” skills for the cat. At Mr. Aggie’s parents’ house, the cats aren’t his biggest fans. He knows he has to “shhh” when they are around. He’s brought the habit home, occasionally shh-ing around Lars though he still beats her about the head mercilessly.

And just for fun.


also. January 15, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — aggieonboard @ 11:22 am

I get a little thrill any time  I spell-check and it says, “no writing errors found.”

BOO-YAH, I say in my head. And then I wonder, does anyone say that anymore? Even in their heads? Does the fact that I do negate any cool points gained from my flawless writing?


like friggin chinese water torture up in here

Filed under: Uncategorized — aggieonboard @ 11:20 am

My office door just developed this new habit. I don’t know how or why, but it keeps, I don’t know, swaying? Shutting softly? It is completely closed, with the male part and female part working in harmony, but it moves with the air or something. It sounds like someone is knocking softly, just once, every five seconds or so.  It’s making me INSANE. INSANE, I TELL YOU.

My office is in the oldest part of the building. Old, old, old, I tell you. There is a crack running down the cinderblock wall and I swear it’s getting bigger. Of course, I’m very sky-is-falling by nature, so who knows. If I stop blogging suddenly, it’s probably because I slid off into the ocean.


Update January 12, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — aggieonboard @ 9:08 pm

I heart our therapist. We’ve been twice. We’ve been late both times. As I told her, I’d rather run over an entire litter of puppies on my way than be late to anything. She’s considering making us be late as one of our assignments. She’s also making me skip one “to-do” every day and replace it with something fun. So far today I haven’t done it.

We’ve made a little progress already, but of course it hasn’t been as speedy as I hope. I’m not the most patient of creatures, so I thought we’d be all better by the second visit. Sigh.

We’re practicing “parrroting” which is exactly what it sounds like. We simply repeat what the other says to make sure we’ve heard correctly. It sounds stupid, but it really works.

I’ve been up since 4 am. so this is a bit disjointed, but I thought you might be wondering.

Also? I’ve been cooking dinner each night, and it’s going great. I rule.


I’m lame and so it this title. January 3, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — aggieonboard @ 5:16 pm

Because I want to be just like Miranda when I grow up…

2000: Mid-junior to mid-senior year of high school. I was insufferable and untouchable, and told everyone who would listen how I couldn’t wait to get out of Mayberry and meet people who didn’t have mud on their cars and giant buckles on their belts.

2001: Graduated from Mayberry and set off for the big city College Station. I loved my first year, except for the weight I gained main-lining bean burritos. I pierced my eyebrow, or rather paid an apparently disease-free dude at Poking You Tattoo to do it. I changed my major at least three times.

2002: I settled on a major (International Studies, minor in Spanish) which meant pretty much nothing and led pretty much nowhere. ‘Twas interesting, and the offices were right next to the Education building which facilitated my judging and  smirking at the future Mrs. degrees and their pink sorority t-shirts. Oh, the irony.

2003: Talked to Mr. Aggie on IM from my bedroom at night, pretended not to know him by day. He was in the Corps, all uniform wearing and rule following and I was so anti-The Man that I almost became a lesbian just to prove my point. He eventually got me to acknowledge his existence and I even bought a dress or two for his ridiculous formals. Seriously, though, our relationship began at exactly the point of greatest tragedy in my life and I wouldn’t have made it without him. That spring semester was the first time I’d ever played chicken with college by planning to save my grades with my final exams. Instead, my uncle died and my boyfriend appeared and I got my first C and only D. It didn’t kill me, but  I was heavily wounded.

2004: Got engaged. Who could say no to this?


Sidenote: Mr. Aggie started Atkins in January and proposed in April. We opened stockings fat and happy, and then I looked up and he was thinner than me when he annointed day arrived. After seeing the pictures I started living off bacon grease, too, and we got skinny together. Then fat. Then skinny. And now, fat again. But don’t worry–we’re going to get skinny!

I spent the fall semester in Costa Rica, pining for my beau and eating disgusting food swimming in cilantro. I also traveled and met amazing people, but who would I be if I focused on that? Certainly not myself.

2005: Got hitched. Survived my first year of teaching.

2006: Same as above, didn’t suck as much at either endeavor.

2007: Still doing the same as the previous two years. Got skinny by exercising, fell in love with cardio kickboxing and the ambiguously gay instructor who kicked my ass on a regular basis.

2008: Got pregnant just so I could eat a crapload of corndogs. We waited until he was born to find out the sex, so I spent the rest of ’08 packing on the pounds and planning for our surprise. Oh, and graduating with my masters and walking the stage with my fifteen chins held high.

2009: Started the year by pushing 9 lb 15 oz baby out of my girlparts. Spent the rest of the year trying to keep him alive. I went to work, I think, and bathed occasionally, but mostly just lived to serve.

2010: The plan is to lose the baby weight (which is now more like ranch-dressing weight) and save my marriage. I haven’t blogged as much because things aren’t pretty around here. Not knowing how many of you lovelies followed the link from Facebook necessitates some discretion, but I will say that we both want to make it work and we’re going to involve a professional this week to make that happen.

If you undertake this ridiculously narcassistic endeavor, link back so I can read it. (I added that myself, it’s not the leftover verbage from a lame forward or anything. It’s my unique lameness.)