There's a Child Out Here, People. That's the Reality.

Join me on my journey through parenthood. BYOHelmet.

You can’t make this up. July 19, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — aggieonboard @ 12:34 am

This will be way, way TMI. Dudes, catch you next time. Really.

Those of you who aren’t scared off by warnings of my rampant overshare-to-be, you’re in for a treat. Today, we saw Harry Potter. It was great!

Getting my first postpartum visit from AF five minutes before the movie started? Not so much.

It had occurred to me that I needed to start carrying feminine hygiene products with me, since there was no way to know when my number would be up. Then again it has also occurred to me that we need to put a hideout key somewhere, and make a will, and change the air filters.

Let’s start from the beginning. I went to the ladies’ room moments before the movie started. I realized what had happened, and went back to the theater to get all our cash ($6.25, yeah baby) and find a loo with a magic tampon machine. Three bathrooms later, I had to ask the ticket taker, who was seventeen at most, if there were any bathrooms with tampon machines. She said there was, but it was in the food court. I exited the theater, trudged to the food court, found the bathroom, and took a good long look at the broken machine.

Back to the theater to ask if there’s a convienence store in the mall. There is. Downstairs.

Escalator.

Hike.

Find the tampons in the store. Behind the counter. Staffed by a seventeen year old. Boy.

Eff me sideways.

“Do people really steal those?!” He smirks. Gah, people SUCK. “I’ve got my eye on those stayfrees.”

He rings me up. $7.87.

Mother effer.

“I don’t have that much.” He picked up a box of Tampax tampons. At that point,  I didn’t know if I could physically use a tampon. I had no choice, I had to give it a shot. But first…

$6.48. “I only have $6.25,” I stammered, as I held out all of my money.

He took it. He felt sorry for me. I felt sorry for me.

I carried the small box back to the restroom. No bag, at this point I had no shame. Or dignity.Whatever.

Success.

Stuffed my pockets with the remaining tampons and finally–finally–went back to the theater.

Having AF show up on our one weekend getaway, when she’s been MIA for over a year? Incontrovertible proof the universe has a sense of humor.

Advertisements
 

2 Responses to “You can’t make this up.”

  1. Rachel Says:

    Theory: your body, realizing it was relaxing and baby-free, was like “Ahh, back to normal!” and the ladybits were all, “Well, in that case . . .” On the other hand, brava, Aggie’s ladybits, for handling the ‘pon. Brava.

  2. Very funny blog! Sorry you had to go through that, but it makes for a good post right 🙂

    Can’t wait to read more in the future!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s