There's a Child Out Here, People. That's the Reality.

Join me on my journey through parenthood. BYOHelmet.

You say that now… May 31, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — aggieonboard @ 5:47 pm

Today we had to venture out to the Mall. Shopping me no likey, but last summer I was knocked up, and the summer before I was nice and thin, so I had nothing that works with my post-baby pancake belly. Well, I guess the maternity shorts would but if you think I’m putting those back on you can..think again I guess (sorry,  I don’t have much time to come up with witty comments before Andrew gets fussy. Must.Type.Quickly).

So we’re in the car after shopping. I mentioned how the juniors section at Macy’s made me oh so thankful we had a boy.

Me: I mean, you could take some of those mesh shorts over to the granny panties section, and you wouldn’t be able to tell which was which.

Mr. Aggie: Not true. Those shorts were too risque for granny panties. Maybe granny lingerie, though.

Me: Shudder. That’s a product that absolutely does not need to exist.

Mr: You say that now…

God bless him. He’s had Times of Marital Closeness 1.5 times in the last four months but he’s still got hope.


Wow. May 29, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — aggieonboard @ 10:43 am

I guess I don’t really notice because I see him every day, but Andrew has certainly changed in the last three months:





Don’t let the drastic change in skin tone worry you; that’s just a result of Mommy learning to embrace natural light after a lifetime of avoiding sunlight whenever possible. You would too if you burned in fifteen minutes flat. I also love how he’s swimming in the first onesie. I’ve since learned how to dress my child in clothes that actually fit.


i’ve pumped everywhere, man… May 28, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — aggieonboard @ 1:30 pm

I can now check “Deserted school bus” off my list for Exotic Pumping Locales. It was stifling and fairly mortifying. I may be a semi-competent bilingual teacher, but I was an epic fail at explaining to the bus driver why I needed to return to the bus and why I needed privacy without giving any information. He must have thought I was a complete loon, sitting halfway back, wearing an apron around my neck, with a loud pulsating noise coming from my seat.


If a lactating woman pumps in the wilderness…

Filed under: Uncategorized — aggieonboard @ 8:16 am

Last night, during the hazy twilight of near-sleep, I remembered  that we have a field trip today. (As I write this, we are about to embark on a wilderness adventure requiring sunscreen, bug spray, and patience.) Then I remembered there aren’t any special dogwoods out there with electrical outlets. And I panicked.

Why? Am I that spoiled of a city brat that I would need to bring my cappuccino machine? Was my heart beating wildly as I considered spending seven hours without my laptop?


I was freaking out because the magical machine that extracts the nectar to keep my kid alive requires some sort of electrical energy to function. I couldn’t just wait until we got back to school to pump because my boobs would EXPLODE. What was I going to do?!

Fortunately, I remembered then that my pump came with a fancy pants battery pack. Eight Duracell coppertops later, we’re in business. Now I just have to find a way and a place to slip off to for thirty minutes without my fifth graders noticing my absence.


Update on the Man-date May 26, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — aggieonboard @ 11:54 am

I really don’t know who suffered more yesterday. Things were off schedule from the get-go, with Andrew waking onhis own at 6:00 ready to party whereas he usually sleeps until I wake him to get ready (6:40). Left undisturbed he’ll usually sleep until at least 7:30. Mr. Aggie already planned to get up before I left at 6:45, but he wasn’t prepared to be on baby duty that early. He’s not exactly at his best first thing in the a.m. For example, I often worry that he’ll go to work with his zipper at half-mast since I’m not home to check for him.

To make a tediously long story marginally shorter, Andrew didn’t nap well and didn’t eat well, either. We are attributing this to Mr. Aggie’s inexperience and his being ill-equipped (lacking the magic of le boob), as well as dente numero dos, primed to make an appearance any day. It’s glimmering beneath the skin, exhibiting an evil twin personality that’s making Andrew much crabbier than the first tooth did. He still won’t accept any forms of pain relief or management, save for human fingers or grape Tylenol. If I try to give him anything– frozen teething ring, chilled washcloth, vodka sour–he recoils in horror, and wails at me as if to say “WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO KIIIIIIILL ME?!”

On the upside, after what he called “the longest eight hours of [his] life”, Mr. Aggie vowed (unprovoked) to leave work on time or early every day this summer while I’ll be a SAHM. I’m still apprehensive about those ten weeks, but I know I’ll have help from my mom once a week and I can always take him to daycare occasionally so he can spend time with a professional who actually knows what she’s doing.


sigh. May 24, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — aggieonboard @ 1:31 pm

Such a great weekend. Mr. Aggie and I went out for an incredible meal Friday night. I couldn’t stop eating and came home in pain from the overindulgence.

Saturday we watched a bazillion episodes of The West Wing and bought great ingredients for a new recipe at Whole Foods. We cooked, ate, and went to bed early. So far today we’ve relaxed more. Mr. Aggie’s on his way home with groceries and Andrew is sleeping by my side while I watch tv and type this entry.

Tomorrow the guys have their first daylong man-date since I have to work. Good luck, Daddy!


Did you miss me? May 21, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — aggieonboard @ 9:33 am


You probably think I’ve been remiss in writing anything of substance because of Andrew’s teething. You’ll be pleased to know (but you shouldn’t be surprised) that he’s handled it as he does most things: with grace and good humor. In other words, completely unlike his mother would. The tooth came through Monday and aside from sticking his hands in his mouth and gnawing like there’s no tomorrow, there’s no signs that anything has transpired.

Yesterday he also rolled over for the first time (back to stomach, for the those of you who like details). The night before I’d gotten out the video camera to record his attempts and his adorable blathering. Try as he might, he couldn’t navigate the full flip. Sidenote: this was the first time I’d gotten out the video camera. I’d just never seen the need to record our stilted conversations while I zoomed in on a blob of a baby. What a horrible mom, huh?

 When I went to pick him up  from daycare, she proudly announced that he rolled over. No pomp or circumstance, she just laid him on his back and bam! he flipped over and raised up like he was going to crawl. I tried not to be sad that he did it at daycare, but I was. I have to just accept that those things are going to happen; that’s a price I pay for not staying home. If I wanted to be sure I was the witness to all his exciting moments, I’d have to be the sole witness to all his less than newsworthy actions, too.

Speaking of which, I’ll be posing as a SAHM again in two and half weeks. I vacillate between fantasies about our many adventures (“We’ll go to the aquarium! And the park! But not the zoo because zoos creep me out for reasons I can’t really articulate, they just do, and I know that aquariums aren’t that much different but they are because I said so!” ) and flashbacks to the mindnumbing haze of desperation that clouded my maternity leave.

The summer will be full of diversions, and we can leave the house, two marked differences from maternity leave. Oh, and he sleeps now, so that’s an improvement. I’m still learning how to NIP (Nurse in Public. I love that acronym.) as he doesn’t seem to like the cover much. That might affect our plans a little at first until we get the hang of it. Anyway, we’ll have my family reunion early in June, Mr. Aggie and I will take our first weekend getaway in July (I’m already fantasizing about sleeping through the night. No lie.) then we finally head up to New Hampshire the next weekend. I think these travels will keep it interesting enough for me to enjoy the rest of the down time that Andrew I will have.

Oh, a note about his sleeping. Tell me this isn’t strange: he goes down between 7:15-7:30 every night. He then wakes up at 8:15 on the dot (an hour later) ready to party. No amount of cajoling will soothe him back to sleep. 9:15 rolls around and it’s lights out for real. Is that normal?