We have no cookies, but we do have happy cows. (Actually, that’s a lie. We do have cookies, but I haven’t baked them yet. I remain quite skeptical.)
The explanation for my crazy diet will likely be insufficient because I’m tired of telling it four million times. Too bad for you.
So last Tuesday, Andrew’s poop turned green. This was, surprisingly, not a cause for concern. I did think I had an oversupply issue breastmilk-wise, so I started working to correct it. When that happens, the baby can get too much of the ‘skim’-esque milk that comes first and not enough of the fatty milk that comes later. This can cause the same issues as a milk protein allergy, which occurs in 2% of babies when they can’t handle the dairy proteins that sneak into mom’s milk.
So my pediatrician has asked that I avoid any foods containing dairy, nuts, or corn (?) for a few days to see what happens in Pooville. Being the dietary moron that I am, I thought “No problem, I don’t really like milk anyway.” Newsflash to the similarly ignorant: milk.is.in.everything.
Frozen fajita chicken? Yep.
Rice Krispie Treats? Uh huh.
Chocolate chip muffins? Oh yeah.
I was able to find less than fifteen items at two grocery stores (SuperTarget and Whole Foods) that I can eat. Luckily there were several staples (chicken, sweet potatoes, vegetables) that I can adapt for the time being. Though can I say the spreadable non-dairy butter-product creeps me out? I tried to melt it for my dairy-free, peanut-free, gluten-free, egg-free and taste-free brownies, and it wouldn’t melt. It just got increasingly hot and pissed off, to the point that I thought it was going to explode all over my face.
So the next time you stand in front of your overflowing fridge and pantry and think, “Damn, I have nothing to eat” maybe you should take a gander at how many of those options contain nuts or dairy, and consider yourself lucky that you could eat them if you weren’t so damn spoiled and picky. Not that I’m bitter, or anything.
I have to provide a Poo Report (I’ve decided it should be capitalized. For emphasis, you know) to the pediatrician on Friday and we’ll discuss our options at that time. Until then, I’ll be enjoying my soy pudding and cardboard brownies. Those lactose-intolerant people love their desserts, that’s for sure.