There's a Child Out Here, People. That's the Reality.

Join me on my journey through parenthood. BYOHelmet.

Christmas decorations! November 29, 2008

Filed under: pregnancy — aggieonboard @ 11:42 am

We’re at my grandparents house and about to set up the tree. Unfortunately, we’re stuck waiting on Mr. Aggie (in the shower) or my brother (in the bed) because an increasingly-pregnant lady is apparently not allowed to assemble a tree or climb up a ladder to retrieve oversized boxes of decorations. Humph.

At least I’ve got the Christmas tunes going. That’s a start. I heart Christmas decorating/preparations to an almost unhealthy extent and I’m about to go insane waiting on one of the big lugs to get in here so we can get this party started.

 

Boy what a big head. November 25, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — aggieonboard @ 1:37 pm

So here’s the scoop. Lenny’s pool is perfectly filled, it’s just his head that’s the problem. I am currently 31 weeks and 6 days pregnant. My baby’s head is measuring 35 weeks and 4 days. 35 weeks, people. That’s ridiculous. It’s all Mr. Aggie’s fault. His dad’s side of the family has a history of giant heads (Mr. Aggie included). Any illusions I had about future all-natural water births will clearly have to wait until my next marriage.

Combined with the other measurements, which are all ahead but not so dramatically so, I’m measuring at 34w3d. The tech also estimated Lenny’s weight at 4 lbs 14 oz. What implications, if any, this has for Lenny’s exit plan will probably not be discussed until my next doctor’s appointment.

Stay tuned…

 

Another date with Dr. Doom November 24, 2008

Filed under: pregnancy — aggieonboard @ 4:36 pm

At my appointment this morning, everything looked great. I only gained two pounds, which is fantastic because I started eating cheese and fruit two weeks ago on the sly. I of course did not confess this to Dr. Doom. Would you?

I’m still measuring ahead of schedule and quite large, so he wants to do a sonogram tomorrow to see if Lenny is a sumo wrestler to-be or if there’s too much water in the pool. I’m excited to see him/her again. Mr. Aggie is taking off work to come along, mostly because he doesn’t think I can be trusted to see the kid again without checking out his/her private parts. And he’s right.

I’ll update tomorrow afternoon about the ultrasound. For now, I’m trying to limit my computer usage, lest my fingers wander over to Google and start researching all things terrible about excess fluid. Oh, I almost forgot. Proving yet again the universe has a sense of humor, my random fear of the week has been low fluid.

While I’m actively not-Googling, I’ll be writing thank you notes from our shower Friday night. “Dear random co-worker of Mr. Aggie, Thank you so much for the butt wipes. I can’t wait to use them!”

Before I go, I’m way behind on pictures of Lenny’s house. Here’s one from a week or two ago:

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Weekend Update November 23, 2008

Filed under: pregnancy — aggieonboard @ 9:19 pm

Friday: Fantastic shower. Much more tequila than your average shower, much less cheesy shenanigans. Lots of presents (!) most of which we had picked out ourselves. Lots of of money from other coworkers to use to buy more of our pre-selected items at our convenience. Sweet.

Saturday: Drove to College Station. Long car rides are not my friend. Figured out very early on that we had forgotten the third party in this pregnancy–my full body pillow, Sugar. Don’t ask me why that’s the name, it just is. Spent the next 2.5 hours mourning the absence of the pillow/sleeping/snorting myself awake.

Attended the BIL’s wedding shower. Managed not to throat punch future-SIL’s stepmom when she totally felt me up in her attempt to discern Lenny’s sex. Also managed not to throat punch the old guy who asked if it was twins. Rewarded my restraint with a second (or fifth) trip to the food table.

Had dinner at Olive Garden. Traded our night of ‘romance’ at a B&B with no technology with the inlaws, who had reserved a normal hotel room with modern conveniences. Decided watching the Tech/OU game would be much better than playing cards all night. Fell asleep by 8:30.

Woke up several times due to pee breaks and horrific dreams. I don’t know why I can’t have vivid halluciniations about puppies and rainbows. No, my dreams involve 1) me, dying a slow, and painful death while my family looks on 2) me, fighting/chasing/running from a demented scientist while I’m a doctor on House (and thus am surrounded by Foreman, Wilson, etc). At one point I manage to trap the guy in a tank of water under a large piece of glass. He disappears (!) then reappears after I step off the glass. He was hiding in the drain, of course. Why didn’t I think of that?! I chop of his fingers. It gets more demented, so I’ll stop there.

Sunday: We drive back (repeat the sleeping/snoring), relax, get groceries, and now we’re both spending quality time with our laptops. Mr. Aggie is doing schoolwork, I am trying to figure out just how many times I can remind him that I don’t have to work tomorrow and he does without him getting completely annoyed.

Watched a video on a blog that involved a happy baby with a rattle. Lenny freaked out. I think the kid likes rattles. One thing he doesn’t like is being poked. Mr. Aggie prodded whatever body part was sticking out by my belly button, and he was swiftly kicked/punched twice. “No sir!” says Lenny.

 

Lenny and I aren’t friends right now. November 21, 2008

Filed under: pregnancy — aggieonboard @ 12:50 pm

The kid had been hunkered down in the lower right hand corner of my midsection all day as if there were air raids going off.  Often he/she tried to crawl out down my leg.

I had a friend come try and help me persuade Lenny to move through various means: tapping gently (and then not so gently) on the painful spot, placing a cold object on the spot, then finally swaying back and forth while my fifth graders stared at my freaky hula moves.  All was futile.

Finally, after several hours, my partner graciously offered to take all of our charges out to recess while I rested. I went and laid on his couch on my left side, and gravity proved to be stronger than the kid. Take that, uncooperative spawn!

 

Well that was six hours of my life I’ll never get back November 16, 2008

Filed under: pregnancy — aggieonboard @ 12:13 pm

We had our Prepared Childbirth class yesterday. I freely admit that I am a giant nerd, and as such had been looking forward to the class for months. I knew we’d probably have to do the stupid “he-he-whooo” breathing techniques and that we’d probably see a video of an actual birth. Other than that, I didn’t know what to expect and was quite excited to find out. I woke up early, gathered up my pillows, grabbed my notebook and Mr. Aggie, and set off to be educated.

Remember when we (meaning you and I, internets) talked about why I don’t get excited about things? That belief was reinforced by this class. Allow me to try and describe it for you. It was basically an Idiot’s Guide to Birthing a Human, led by the nurse equivalent of a half-drunk flight attendant. The woman kept smiling like a demented Barbie, forgetting important terms (“another cause of preterm labor is….gosh, I can’t remember right now but it’s a lot like…”), and making inappropriate religious references (“Ooooh, if he’s born on Christmas your baby will share a birthday with Jesus! What could be better than that?”).

I spent the entire day wanting to stab my eye out with my pencil, just to distract myself from the idiocy and to try and erase the images burned into my brain from the three extremely graphic birthing videos. I knew where the baby came from and the basic processes that let to his/her emergence. I didn’t need to see it in living color three times.

The most irritating part was that she had a video, powerpoint, poster, and often a hand-drawn explanation for EVERYTHING. You would have to be a complete idiot to need more than two forms of media to understand these processes, people.  I really couldn’t believe the asinine questions people asked–especially the women. (My expectations for men are much lower, as they should be). But when a woman has known for at least twenty weeks that sometime in the near future she’s going to have to push a human out of her ladybits, don’t you think she might want to crack open a book or at least invest in a little google action to find out how the hell that happens?

Another bright spot in the day was observing the couple next to us. They were a little…off. At one point the woman actually started vigorously shaking her belly and baby talking to it. Her husband, understandably, asked wtf she was doing. She replied she was playing with the baby, and that the baby likes it. Oy.

I learned exactly one thing of value (what to do in the event of a prolapsed cord) in six hours. Mr. Aggie reports that he benefited from the class, so that’s good at least. He’s much more interested in our upcoming breastfeeding class, since he is a twelve year old boy.

 

Well that was unexpectedly challenging November 11, 2008

Filed under: pregnancy — aggieonboard @ 3:36 pm

I just tried to carry a box. It was a normal sized box of average weight, but I was struggling like crazy. That’s when I realized Lenny was causing me to extend my arms all the way out just to try and grasp the corners of it. I’m estimating that my belly is so big that I’m about a week away from having to ask you what shoes I’m wearing.

Le sigh.

In other news, Lenny doesn’t kick me much anymore. He/She prefers to just prod me gently. It quite bizarre, but nicer than being punched. No one likes being punched from the inside (or outside, for that matter). Mr. Aggie talks to the kid regularly, often asking Lenny to be nicer to me and stop using my stomach as a bouncy ball or stop wadding up all on one side and trying to escape. So far, Lenny doesn’t comply. I’m hoping that changes on the outside.