So I had to call the bumbling University from which I have attained my Master’s degree in order to place my order for a graduation cap/gown. As we know, this getup is unflattering on the most svelte amongst us and is even more heinous on mere mortals. Add to that the giant round pumpkin head that I’m sure I’ll have by then and multiply by the fact that I’ll require a gown with the approximate demensions of a circus tent, and you can see why I’ve put off making the call. Alas, it went something like this:
Me: Hi, I need to place an order for a cap and gown.
Surly clerk: Name?
Surly clerk: Height?
Surly clerk: Weight?
Pause. Explain the situation.
Surly Clerk: I’m going to need a weight.
Me: Sigh. Think. How much does a house weigh, exactly? Throw out a figure. [No, I'm not telling YOU].
All in all, she didn’t seem shocked nor did she faint. I’ll be sure to post pictures in December when the main attraction at the Big Top hits the stage.